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Audi A4 B8, the official chariot of dentists and mid-level corporates, enters the Autodrivel septic tank today. If the Audi A4 B8 came out beaten or came out with a decent rating, we find out in today’s review.

There is a world of cars that are bought strictly for status. There are no cars that have a certain value other than to highlight your status, there are cars that stand out for their usefulness, there are cars that stand out for their luxury, there are cars that stand out for their performance on the road, there are cars that stand out it stands out for its performance on roads that have not heard of asphalt. And the Audi A4 B8 does not fall into any category.

Launched in 2008 to replace the outdated A4 B7, the Audi A4 B8 came with a new look brought up to the standards of the day, a look that was desperately needed. And Audi apparently won the gamble, as the Audi A4 B8 is a car that looks fresh even today. So fresh that Will Smith called it for an reboot of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. So fresh that you can serve it up straight at the Babylon & Shisha. It’s so fresh, that when an Audi A4 B8 passes by me, the scent is so powerful that my nasal hair falls off and whenever I see a police car it grows back instantly.

Is the Audi B8 a better car than the old A4 B7?

If you go strictly by terms of appearance and status then yes, the Audi A4 B8 tramples its predecessor. It’s just that reality is not universal, reality is depending on perspective. The Audi A4 B7, for example, wanted to offer that discreet luxury: a rather anonymous car, which does not amaze, but which is of an extraordinary quality, build and performance. A4 B7 is an easy car to ignore on the street, it has an older interior than Betty White, but it still offers that feeling of a job well done. You know that those pieces of interior trim won’t fall off too soon.

The Audi A4 B8 however is the opposite: Good looking, but which as far as build quality goes is not very bright. If A4 B7 is an regular, reliable Fosters beer, A4 B8 is Paulaner: more expensive, a little lighter, but you drink it for status. You drink it so people know you drink Paulaner. Fosters instead is a beer that only you enjoy and it is a somewhat strange choice for 2020, to drink a simple but good beer before going to bash some skulls in at your local pub.

Audi A4 B8 Engines

Petrol

• 1.8 TFSI CABB, CHDB and CJEB of 120, 160 and 180 horsepower – Launched in 1995 on the Mk 1 Octavia and Mk IV Golf, the 1.8T received an FSI technology and was sent off in the world. The entry level 120 bhp version was made solely for them brochures with titles such as “The new Audi A4. With prices starting from..”. As for the other versions, make sure you pack up a few cannisters of engine oil before every trip.


• 2.0 TFSI CDNB, CDNC and CNCD of 180, 210 and 225 horsepower – Same principle as with the 1.8 TFSI, but with added power and oil consumption. Apparently, an oil consumption of 1 litre per 1000 km is normal, according to Audi. For so many years Audi drivers laughed at BMW and Mercedes for carrying sandbags in their trunks during winter, when they had cannisters of oil in the trunks themselves.


• 3.0 TFSI CMUA of 272 and 333 horsepower – Way too porno for the average Audi A4 owner, this 6 cylinder monster is one of the best engines that money can buy. Sure, it chugs down oil just as fast as a chav chugs down on Fosters, but oil consumption is your last concern when it comes to maintainance on this beast.


• 3.2 FSI CALA and CAKA of 265 horsepower – Ironically, this engine should’ve been sent off to Sanford Antique Mall but it ended up as the most reliabile engine for the Audi A4 B8. Built initially for heavier stuff such as the Touareg, Phaeton and Audi A8, this engine is as reliable as it is heavy on taxes and fuel consumption.


• 4.2 TFSI RS4 CFSA of 450 horsepower – This is not an regular Audi A4 so the RS4 asks for it’s own, separate review.

Diesel

• 2.0 TDI CAGA, CAGB and CAGC of 120, 143 and 170 horsepower – Buying the 120 bhp version is like ordering a glass of whiskey and ice and you receive one extra ice cube, because this engine is the 110 horsepower TDI engine from the Passat, with 10 horsepower added extra. You don’t feel any difference, but it’s nice to see that it’s there. As for the engine as a whole, prepare your bottom for dual mass flywheels, clutches, soot contamination and the 143 bhp version sometimes wrecks it’s oil pump.


• 2.7 TDI CAMA and CGKA of 190 horsepower – Audi couldn’t care less about this engine so they just lifted it from the A7 and bolted here, with no modifications.


• 3.0 TDI CAPA and CCWA of 240 horsepower – The standard engine for the barges of the VAG group, the 3.0 TDI is ready to shred the tires and brakes of the Audi A4. And the water pump, the EGR valve and the timing chain replacement costs so much that you could’ve just bought an Q7 from the very beginning, since it’s so costly.

Audi A4 B8 Reliability Issues

• LED standard daylights and that means that when they break down you will prefer to just pay the fines for not having them on when you should, instead of replacing them. Seriously, that invoice can be quite astronomical.


• Furthermore, all front-wheel drive models use the Multitronic gearbox, affectionately known as the “Multi-Trauma”. A CVT box that wreaks havoc through all the cars where it is installed.


• The MMI multimedia system fries itself and breaks down, coming with a much too high replacement cost to justify replacing it under any other circumstances than warranty.

Audi A4 B8 Verdict

Audi A4 B8 is a good car, but it suffers from the general problem of modern cars. Reliability is no longer relevant these days, because a reliable car does not break down and does not need new parts and thus the manufacturer sells less.

But the Audi A4 remains an admirable limousine, even with all it’s issues. This Audi represented best the quintessence of the brand – BMW is oriented towards sportiness, Mercedes towards luxury, and Audi is the middle of the road. And the Audi A4 A8 represents, along with both younger and older siblings, the middle ground, that mix of elegance and sportiness that is almost as good as the triple sec mix, vodka and absinthe called “Brain Damage” and which you can drink at college pubs every Saturday night.