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BMW 6 Series E63, the go-to chariot bodybuilders too poor for an SUV and too big for an saloon. BMW 6 Series, the protein shake of the automotive world.

It’s mind boggling how the BMW 6 Series E63 still looks fresh after so many years. It’s as curious as the fact that I’ve never seen the Moon and the Sun at the same time, in the same place. I think they are the same person.

In any case, the famous 6 Series E63 is based on the 1999 BMW Z9 concept designed by Chris Bangle, BMW’s head of design at the time. And that’s where you can also see where it got that bombastic fantastic butt, the famous “Bangle Butt” that debuted on the 7 Series and then the 5 Series, and then ultimately on the 6 Series. Because the 6 Series is essentially a 5 Series for the people without friends and that’s pretty much always been its gig. A lot of premium cars are for people who don’t have friends because if you have a BMW you don’t have friends anyway, but the 6 Series has always been in it’s own league.

It’s just that if the 5 Series was the official “wide-neck-narrow-forehead” chariot until the X5 E70 came along, the BMW 6 Series E63 was more of the spin for another class of “wide-neck-narrow-forehead”. Fine gentlemen who didn’t necessarily go to interventions and cut off the fingers of the people who didn’t pay up on time, but was more suited for those who carried flour and tea around various places but didn’t have the money yet for a CL. So the 6 Series was the next logical answer.

And it shows that BMW knew exactly its clientele, people who want the adrenaline rush of the 5 Series but who want something even more dramatic and status flaunting. We have a car with more grip on the tarmac than Billy Bird but also in the meantime as agile as Leigh Wood. It’s a good-looking car that’s dynamic and its seriously quick, with the most anemic engine churning 255 horsepower. Whether you wanted to cruise at 30 mph so people could see how much of a small-scale Andrew Tate you are, or you had to get from London to Dublin in 2 hours because someone talked smack to you on Facebook and you had to make an example out of him, the BMW 6 Series can handle any situation.

BMW 6 Series E63 Engines

Petrol

• 3.0 l-6 of 255 and 268 horsepower – Sure, the 255 horsepower N52 engine loses oil more than Clarkson loses jobs and Boris Johnson popularity, but at least it’s reliable. And there would be the issue where the VANOS breaks down and you can buy a new engine. Sadly however, nobody bought it. But at least in 2008 arrived the updated, 268 horsepower N53 and that one only have issues with the high-pressure fuel pump, injectors, coil packs, and spark plugs.


• 4.4 V8 of 329 horsepower  – Unfortunately I don’t have enough internet bandwidth to talk about this engine’s issues, partly because there are so many and partly because I’ve been watching Squirt Game. Not exactly the Squid Game I was expecting, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. That’s also how I found out about Game of Thrones. I wanted to watch Game of Thrones but I downloaded Game of Bones. It was interesting. It also contained action, sword fighting, and blood. 


• 4.8 V8 of 362 horsepower – And I always miss watching parodies of popular shows. Like Star Wars: The Last Temptation. Ah yes, the engine, the same N62 but mounted only on the facelift model. Still as powerful as Titus Steel, when it works. Otherwise, its natural habitat is at the repair shop.


• 5.0 V10 S85 of 500 horsepower – A glorious engine, reserved for the M5 and M6. Shame that it’s a single use kind of engine.

Diesel

3.0d of 286 horsepower – Bodybuilders rejoice, now you can also have an engine that’s sort of fuel efficient and sort of reliable, which means more money for protein powders and swords. Yes, it’s the old M57 with timing at the front of the engine and the only specific issues are mostly turbo and turbo accesories related, but that’s about it. If it fees like it’s down on power, most probably the smaller turbo (which spins at lower rpm and also kick starts the larger turbo so that you can have power at all times) might have kicked the bucket with the same intensity you kick those poor victims who tried to double-cross you.

BMW 6 Series E63 General Issues

• You won’t believe it, but a coupe with a minimum of 255 horsepower and rear-wheel drive goes through the rear tires and rear brakes the same way an irishman goes through whiskey bottles. 


• It’s going to sound weird and some will call me a snob, but I’ll put it down to general issues that there is no cup holder for your gun…I mean whiskey…I mean Red Bull. Sure, there’s an aftermarket solution but it’s about as effective as the armrest provided on Dacia vehicles.


• Special mention for cars with panoramic sunroofs, namely watch out for the sunroof seals that wear out over time and can squeak all the time.


• Also a special mention for convertibles, namely that water can accumulate in the boot and if the drains are clogged it can rain down on your amplifier, and you are left without music.


• Nonfacelift versions come with the first edition iDrive, which either inevitably pixelates over time or dies altogether. If you care about iDrive, you’re best off looking for a facelift model.


• It’s a topic debated by many internet users, namely the automatic gearbox. BMW’s automatic transmission was the first to come with the “Sealed for life” label in the sense that you never have to change the oil. This is true when you buy a new car because the warranty lasts 100,000 km and the oil is first changed at 120-150,000 km so theoretically as the first owner, you never changed the oil. But if you bought it used and with 10-15 years of use, it is recommended to change the oil immediately.

BMW 6 Series E63 Verdict

This was a status car for those who want to look richer than they are and it sat on that throne well and truly until it had to share it with the Mercedes CLS. I’m not a fan of this car because it doesn’t appeal to me. But it’s a car tailor-made for it’s clientele and that’s all I’ve got to say.

 What engines do you recommend? For petrol 3.0 l-6 255 or 268 horsepower, and for diesel 3.0d 286 horsepower because it’s the only one anyway.