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Jeep Patriot, is the best off-roader you’ve never heard of. I can already feel the hair growing on my chest and feel an acute need to go all the way to KFC to order a bucket of chicken nuggets and A DOUBLE SERVING OF FREEDOM.

Or I would think that the Jeep Patriot is one of the most american of all american cars which had the misfortune of being sold in Europe. We have a few cars snuck out of Europe and even on our little island, but people never knew much about them. Just like the Fiat Bravo or The Filthy Frank Show, many people struck gold when looking for copper. Same with the Jeep Patriot which shows up around 2006 in Europe and 2007 through dealerships, built on the same platform as the Dodge Caliber, Mitsubishi Lancer, Mitsubishi Outlander, and a few other cars built in the barn-door engineering way of doing things. Poorly equipped, very reliable, and generally workmanlike.

I’m not going to compare them all and put them in the same wheelbarrow, but I’ll just say that the Jeep Patriot and Dodge Caliber are the closest of the bunch. The only major difference is that the Patriot only comes with all-wheel drive and the Dodge Caliber comes with front-wheel drive. Instead, the same muscular looks and plastic interior so cheap it wouldn’t even be put in a college dorm.

They still went with the American recipe and bought some diesel engines from the Germans, but because we’re talking about the bottom of the range they only fitted German engines, everything else is american as Arnold Schwarzenegger. Almost full american, but not quite.

Jeep Patriot Engines

Petrol

• 2.0 World of 158 horsepower – The entry level engine for the entry level patriot. Came only in 4×2 configuration and it was good enough for a mall crawler. 


• 2.4 World of 172 horsepower  – Just as the 2.0 TDI is the village bicycle of the VW group and the 1.5 dci is the village bicycle of the Renault–Nissan–Mercedes group, Hyundai-Mitsubishi-Chrysler’s 2.4 litre 4-cylinder petrol Global Alliance Engine has been fitted to Dodge, Jeep, Mitsubishi, and Fiat. Bolted on everything from the Santa Fe to the Outlander, this engine is pretty reliable but it’s addicted to LPG like I’m addicted to Boney M. Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia’s Greatest Love Machine, it was a shame how he carried on…

Diesel

• 2.0 TDI of 140 horsepower  – The pre-facelift version comes with a VW-sourced Pump-Duse 2.0 TDI that doesn’t seem to have any specific oil pump shaft issues like the Passat for example. However, being a 2.0 TDI from VW means that the dual mass flywheel will wear out faster than you’d like so save your money for rainy, non-moveable days.


• 2.2 CDI OM651 of 163 horsepower  – Since 2011 they’ve switched from VW to Mercedes to give you one more reason to take your eyes and therefore your money. You no longer have issues with the dual mass flywheel, but you have to sit and worry about the injectors and their seals, but overall the legendary 2.2 CDI has been mounted on everything from the Sprinter to the ML to the S Class. Mileage really doesn’t matter on this engine.

Jeep Patriot Common Issues 

• Looks. It’s got muscle. It’s got the engine. It has the FreeDrive system that makes me think of FREEDOM. But unfortunately, it has very little of approach angle so it’s far from the best off-road car possible. You didn’t buy your Jeep Patriot to go off-roading anyway. You got your Jeep Patriot to feel like a real man drinking whiskey in the morning and hard stuff in the evening. 


• It’s a Jeep, I mean, it’s an american product so get ready for a college dorm interior. Maybe a 20 year old student would be comfortable there, but americans really don’t put much emphasis on comfort or amenities. But that’s also part of the Patriot’s charm because it’s an old-fashioned American car.


• The automatic gearboxes are brought from the more questionable corners of the world and I highly doubt that they were ever marketed in Europe. I mean there is an Aisin-sourced gearbox for the diesels, which is fine. There is also an old-fashioned 6 speed Torque Converter which is fine aswell, but the 2.4 litre petrol gets an Jatco CVT gearbox of which I’m not so sure about. 


• Just like the Ford Focus III, another American product from around 2010, the Jeep Patriot has the paint and the window seals just gently pressed onto the bodywork so they don’t do much so it will rain in your car, especially through the tailgate window and the panoramic hatch. But if you have the panoramic hatch it means you have money so you’re a commie.

Jeep Patriot Verdict

A rare presence on the streets of our tiny island. However it looks exactly how you’d imagine a Jeep would look. Yes, it’s comical because the wheels are much too small for the body, but otherwise, it gives you the impression of a car made by real men, for real men. Real men who don’t need leather upholstery, car air fresheners, heated seats with 5-way ventilation, and integration into the absolute.

What engines do I recommend? All engines are good, although our most popular engine remains the 140 horsepower 2.0 TDI. In theory it’s a VW diesel so you’ll find parts, mechanics and forums  everywhere. Although you’d have to be a true patriot and go for the 170 horsepower 2.4 petrol. Be a man. Stop whining. Why are you booing me? I’m right.