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Drop the mic and jump the wagon, because the Porsche Cayenne 9PA, the official "wide-necked-narrow-forehead" car and one of the official cars of the 2008 crisis, enters the Autodrivel arena. Finally.

Is the Porsche Cayenne 9PA industrial prostitution? Yes and no. It's because Porsche needed a volume car that would sell in large quantities and keep the company afloat. And so it was, except that it not only kept the company on zero but also brought it into the plus and enabled the financing of other Porsche monsters, such as the Panamera or Carrera GT or 10,000 special editions of the Porsche 911.

Why isn't it necessarily 100% industrial prostitution but rather 50%? Because the engineers at Porsche really took an interest in this generation of Cayenne and built it responsibly, with a lot of technology and built so well that it can withstand any abuse it will inevitably receive from the thugs who will steal it...sorry...buy it used in a few years and who doesn't know how to use a screwdriver because all he knows how to handle is a machete. And he doesn't know how to open an oil can because he only knows how to use a corkscrew and he doesn't even have time to go to the service because he's too busy threatening another thug, from another Porsche Cayenne 9PA, with messages and posts on Facebook because live broadcasts and TikTok hadn't appeared yet.

The first Cayenne is a car of excess but a car of the right excess. We have a real 4×4 system, we have German engineering and sturdiness worthy of the Golf IV and at the same time we have a monster capable of off-roading that approaches the Range Rover but we also have an asphalt SUV that takes on the X5, an SUV designed specifically for asphalt. And if it also has the right badge, then the recipe is perfect.

A recipe that worked great in 2005 when everyone had cash to burn. Times when people threw money out the window, usually the window of a Cayenne, Q7 or Range Rover if you were a high-ranking regional thug and a Touareg if you were an average thug and an E Class if you were the guy from the thug intervention. A car so excessive that it was one of the first victims of the 2008 crisis, and today the original Cayenne is a rarer presence than the Pope in public.

Is it worth buying a Porsche Cayenne today tho?

Yes and no. Theoretically, the first Cayenne is still a solid and reliable car, but you shouldn't equal reliable with cheap. Even if it is reliable, it is not cheap to maintain at all. 

Porsche Cayenne 9PA Engines

Petrol

• 3.2 VR6 EA390 of 250 horsepower – It is essentially the same 3.2 Vr6 from VW and shared with the Touareg, only it has an Porsche intake manifold and that is why it has 250 horsepower instead of 224 like the engine on the Touareg. Otherwise they are identical and are also suitable for LPG and are overall reliable and durable engines. The only expense that will hurt you will be timing chain which sits at the back of the engine so it's an engine-out job.


• 3.6 VR6 EA390 of 290 horsepower – In 2006 the 3.2 Vr6 engine is withdrawn from the program grid and is replaced with its bigger brother 3.6 Vr6 which is exactly the same story only a little bigger. But it still remains the most powerful engine that is reliable and civilized in running costs.


• 4.5 V8 M4800 of 340 horsepower – As with the previous engines, until 2006 we have a naturally aspirated 4.5 V8 for the Cayenne S and a 4.5 Turbo V8 for the Cayenne Turbo so I will move on and talk about the issues together.


• 4.5 V8 M4800 Turbo of 450 and 521 horsepower – Mercedes had just launched the ML 63 AMG and created a new market for a customer base that didn’t even know they needed something like this in their lives – a 4×4 SUV with 2 million horsepower. And the Porsche Cayenne Turbo was the answer to the ML 63 AMG. Unfortunately they made the same mistake as BMW and its E38 and used Lokasil (BMW used Nikasil in the 90s) for the cylinders and you have a good chance of melting the cylinders. The second issue was that they used plastic pipes for the coolant and you can see where this is going. Most engines have had aluminum aftermarket pipes fitted by now, but do yourself a favor and check. Or do even better and avoid this engine altogether.


• 4.8 V8 M4801 of 385 and 405 horsepower – As above, a new engine with a new concept and a new look is coming in 2006. It no longer has the issues of the previous engine, so the 4.8 V8 is left with only the PCV valve that cracks and needs to be replaced occasionally.


• 4.8 V8 M4801 Turbo of 500 and 550 horsepower – In addition to the PCV valve problem, you also have the problem of turbines that heat up and crack. Who would have thought that at 550 horsepower and 750 nM of torque the turbines would be worked more than an employee from a garment factory who has a delivery on the weekend. But still, you have at least 500 horsepower. These problems are really irrelevant.

Diesel

3.0D CNR / CNC of 240 horsepower – This engine is like the special guest at a wedding. It arrives late, doesn't attend for too long and costs a lot of money. Only available in 2009 and the first few months of 2010 until the next mode came, the only diesel available on the Cayenne 9PA is a decent engine but effectively so expensive that if you muster up an additional 3-4000 euros you can buy the next generation straight away. In any case, it's reliable but the timing chains will sting when it needs to be replaced since it's a pretty huge job.

Porsche Cayenne 9PA Reliability Issues

• I've already talked too much so I'll quickly go through the general reliability issues section because there aren't that many anyway. First of all, it's a very heavy car because the engineers have also fitted a proper 4×4 system, with locking differentials and all the fun. That means torment, shock and horror for the tires, brakes, steering and suspension. And considering that most Cayennes have rims from 20″ to 22″ and even more, the stress is even greater.


• Even though there are some versions for the poor, with classic suspension, most have suspension on cushions, which are expensive to maintain and are not maintained because most current owners don't have the money for something like that, so get ready and pick up the pieces because the situation is sad.

Porsche Cayenne 9PA Verdict

The original Cayenne reminds me a lot of the 7 Series E38, a luxury car that also offers driving pleasure. I mean, it's a luxurious and large car that comes with proper off-road cred but that also offers you driving pleasure. You have a high-performance 4×4, you have 300 horspowers on average but you can have 500 horsepower if that's not enouigh. You even have the option of a manual transmission. The Porsche Cayenne 9PA is like Manchester – a fabulous car, too bad it's populated.

Which engines do I recommend? For petrol power, either the 250 horsepower 3.2 Vr6 or the 500 horsepower 4.8 V8 Turbo, there is no middle ground. And for diesel, if you have some bizarre fetish with that kind of thing, the 3.0 diesel is the only pick anyway.